


The Perks of Lichdom

by lochnessbian



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Fluff, from the 2018 queertazsecretsanta, kind of? what is writing.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 12:24:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17182943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lochnessbian/pseuds/lochnessbian
Summary: Optimism is important- especially when you're pretty much damned and being relentlessly pursued by an unstoppable hunger. Sounds hopeless, right? Well, think again.





	The Perks of Lichdom

Here’s the thing about being a lich that everybody and their grandmother knows- there’s a sort of tragedy to it. And, okay, maybe that knowledge is so widespread because there is some truth to that sentiment. After all, it’s not exactly a straight and narrow road that leads one towards damning themselves to lichdom.

It’s a road Barry Bluejeans and Lup Taaco traveled together. Every step of the journey, they were right beside each other. It began with a quiet whispered conversation followed by a long silence as the realization of what they had to do sunk in. Then, hours pouring over wizarding texts where they got far more warnings than instructions. A day together- one of the best days together, to give each other fond memories to hold onto. Finally, the act of actually becoming liches, the feeling of almost losing themselves to it, before their own good memories reigned them back in- power of friendship and love and whatnot.

With all of that said, here’s the thing that barely anybody, let alone their out-of-touch grandmother, knows- being a lich actually kinda really fucking rocks.

Barry and Lup are a lot of things- as previously mentioned, the two of them are liches. They are the world’s best couple (that’s not pure audacity- thanks to the day of story and song, many people will agree on this point). But, most importantly, the two of them are optimists. After all, when you’re far away from home, and being pursued by an unending hunger, with only a close couple of friends by your side, optimism is important.

So, the two of them were unwilling to drown in their own angst. They would much rather find not just the silver linings, but the honest-to-gods perks of lichdom.

**Number 5. The Aesthetic.**

So clearly, aesthetics are important. Denim aside, Barry’s aesthetic falls into the dorky- maybe even mad- scientist side of things. Of course, being a lich definitely enhances that. So, okay, maybe when Barry dies he tends to hover unnervingly near people and communicate mundane sentences in vague terminology akin to riddles.

Lup, of course, was also quite the sucker for the aesthetic. She was an evocation wizard, after all, and even if she wasn’t, fireballs are cool as shit and that’s an undeniable fact. Of course, being a lich with far more magical power than the average wizard makes the aforementioned fireballs far stronger and thus infinitely cooler than a regular fireball.

This is when they first begin thinking, “lichdom may not be so bad.” Lup’s spectral form is a bright and fiery red and Barry is cryptic as all hell when asking about shit like cereal, and in all honesty- it’s fun. Being a lich is fun!

So, when the starblaster is pulling away from the world where they became liches, Lup stands on the edge, turns around, and spreads her arms wide as she falls backwards off the ship. And she absolutely wreaks havoc upon the hunger, giving a red glow to the darkness that has befallen this plane of existence. Taako is out there on the deck, watching with eyes wide, and behind him watching from the window is Barry with the largest grin on his face.

When Lup returns,she’s stitched back together by a silvery thread and absolutely beaming, talking about how close they are, and all Barry can think about is how beautiful she is, and how stunning, and how absolutely amazing. He loves her- it’s not a realization, he’s known for quite some time, but he can’t help but think it as she gushes on.

He loves her.

**Number 4. Some good ‘ol goofs.**

Death is somewhat normalized within the century they spend, jumping from plane to plane. That doesn’t mean there’s no grieving, but as time goes on, death becomes more of a “Goddamnit, Magnus,” sort of affair.

That being said, the first time one of them dies early on (it’s Barry, as he is far more foolhardy than Lup) it’s… oddly somber. He returns to the group, just a red robe with a hood that reveals no traces of a face and skeletal hands, and there’s a brief moment of silence.

There’s a lot to be said in that moment- Davenport and Lucretia seem either stressed or distressed, it’s hard to tell, while Merle and Taako have their eyes averted. Lup makes a move to stand, to say something, but before she can, Magnus is rushing past her, and suddenly he’s standing right where Barry is, inside of the robe.

“Hey, check out my new duds!” Magnus flexes, and Barry, as quick as he can, moves his arms so the illusion isn’t shattered. And, just like that, the silence and grief is gone, and all seven of them are cracking up.

Later on, Lup asks Barry if he’s alright, and he’s being completely honest when he answers that he’s doing great.

**Number 3. No body, no dysphoria, no problem.**

Everyone aboard the starblaster is some flavor of queer. This possibly includes Fisher, but that’s really anyone’s guess- the closest to confirmation the crew has gotten on that is Taako putting a note up on the tank saying, “This jellyfish is gay and there’s nothing you can do about it.” It was pretty sufficient evidence, the crew agreed.

Barry and Lup, both being of the trans flavor, were no strangers to dysphoria. In Lup’s case, it wasn’t exactly something she experienced often. Barry felt it slightly more, but, once again, it wasn’t exactly a commonplace occurrence. The two of them were far more familiar with gender euphoria- being surrounded by such a loving and accepting bunch did wonders for them.

Still, the two of them would have their low points where no matter what they did, something just felt just so slightly off with the skin they were in. At times like that, what better fix than to forgo your blood and bone to instead be just a robed figure? The perfect type of androgyny was undead horror, after all.

That being said, being a spector wasn’t all it was cracked up to be at times. Months after the day of story song, both of them were mortal again- they embraced each other, and then everyone else piled into the hug, squeezing the two of them. A body, some dysphoria, but still no problem.

**Number 2. Okay, maybe the power hungry liches had a point.**

“Okay, maybe the power hungry liches had a point,” is something Barry said as joke when practicing magic in his new spectral form. However, it’s something the two of them quickly realized was true- they were quite a bit more powerful as liches than they had been before. More than that, the power was just incredibly fucking lit.

So, with said power at their fingertips, magic became even more commonplace on a ship made up almost entirely of wizards. They didn’t exactly have to worry about spell slots- not as much as a mortal wizard, anyways- and so, even when it was most definitely unnecessary, the two of them would use magic. If a fireplace needed to be lit, Lup was there. If Merle couldn’t reach a book on the highest shelf, Barry was there (Lup was also there, but more so to tease him than to actually help).

And so, the majority of the casting relied on the pair of liches. When the rest of the wizards got tired, Barry and Lup were always ready to swoop in and save the day. They would face whatever troubles were facing off the starblaster crew in whatever plane of existence they were currently in, grab ahold of each other’s hands, and beam brightly at any foe, no matter how big.

Their confidence was entirely earned, and they would more often than not walk away from a battle, talking amongst themselves with big smiles and inside jokes.

**Number 1. So you want to live forever?**

Here’s the thing about a romance between an elf and a human that practically everybody knows- there’s a sort of tragedy to it. The difference in lifespan is far greater than most races, so the elven partner will often outlive the human. Of course, Barry and Lup had already broken this rule just by merely existing on the starblaster. They had far more time than most couples would have, and for that the two of them were eternally grateful. However, there was still the looming idea that one day, they would settle into a world, and age and die as normal.

This idea loomed over their heads, until finally, lichdom came and kicked this looming threat straight to the curve.

Here’s the thing about a romance between an elf and human who become liches, the thing that nobody knows- it’s a massive middle finger to the normal tragedy of such a romance. No longer do they have to worry about one day being seperated (they experience it anyways, and it’s hell, but it makes meeting her again all the more satisfying). No longer is death a real barrier.

Barry J. Bluejeans never set out to live forever. He joined the IPRE as a way to satiate his curiosity, he fell in love with Lup quick and spent too much time pretending he wasn’t, and he found a family aboard the starblaster. Life was good enough- he was sure of that. But, the more time he spent with Lup, the less he wanted to settle for enough- he did want to live forever, just for more time with her.

He loved her so much.

And Lup- oh, Lup was also so ecstatic to realize their story wasn’t a tragedy. Hell, it seemed like a tragedy, and others would almost certainly make it out to be one. An elf falling for a human- and, on top of that, being relentlessly pursued by a force that wanted to consume everything.

And of course, the tragedy of lichdom.

But, their story wasn’t a tragedy. How could it be? She loved him too- just as much. It couldn’t be a tragedy, not when they were together- and not when what they had would last forever.

**Author's Note:**

> HOO this was a lotta fun to write (and also the first thing I've written in a long long time--) I just love Blupjeans so much I don't know why but their relationship is just... *chef's kiss* If you enjoyed the story, considering giving it a reblog! And also check out the other secret santa posts because holy shit a lot of talented people were involved! https://queertazsecretsanta.tumblr.com/post/181398643055/a-gift-for-scratcho-mcdatcho-created-by


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